Are you worried about hurting loved ones?

It can be hard to admit that your behaviour is hurting the people closest to you. You may not know whether your actions are abusive and the impact they have on the people around you. Asking yourself some difficult questions is the first step to help you make changes.

Ask yourself – do you:

•    constantly criticise your partner?
•    blame others when things go wrong?
•    put pressure on family members so you can get your way?
•    feel that your loved ones might be scared of you?
•    control what your partner does, where they go or who they see?
•    hit, push, grab, slap or physically hurt your loved ones in any way?
•    feel you have to be in total control of all the family’s money?
•    punish your partner and any children if they disobey you?
•    worry about the way your behaviour makes you feel, and want to live in a different way?
•    have a deep fear that your loved ones will leave you?

If you have answered yes to any of the above, it’s time to make some changes. It takes strength and courage to recognise you are using abusive behaviours. You are not alone - there is information and support available to help you choose to change.

What would getting help look like?

It can feel uncomfortable to ask for help and to admit you have used abusive behaviours. If you access support, it will help you take responsibility for your actions. You will not be criticised, judged, or condemned. The aim is to help you make changes, not to make you feel bad about asking for help.

The help you access will:

•    try to keep your partner, ex-partner, children or family member safe
•    give you an opportunity to look honestly at your behaviour and decide what needs to change
•    give you the opportunity to learn new ways of behaving in relationships
•    support you to be non-abusive in the future
•    not offer guarantees – change is entirely up to you

Where can I get support?

You can get support locally or from a national organisation. It can be useful to visit their websites to find out more about what they offer. Many also offer helplines to talk things through.

RESPECT is the leading organisation, supporting people who want to change their behaviours. Visit their website for information, practical support and resources. You can also call 0808 802 4040 to talk to a trained advisor.

Cranstoun Men & Masculinities is a safe space for men, offering a 24-week programme. The programme helps them change their behaviour towards their partner or family. Call 0114 321 137, visit their website or email:

Restore Families Wakefield provides interventions for families experiencing abuse from their children. It supports families through a program, teaching methods to handle problems and conflict. Families with children aged 10-17 years can access up to eight remote support sessions. Call Restorative Solutions on 01772 842109, visit their website or email:

Rosalie Ryrie Foundation is a charity that works with perpetrators of domestic abuse. It delivers interventions for men and women who want to change their behaviours. Call 01924 315140 for an initial discussion, or visit their website to find out more.

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