May the force be with you

In many ways fostering is entirely different from my initial perception of it. I have had to be open to learn new skills, recognise my weaknesses and acknowledge what I am good at. And to build on that, a bit like developing my very own superpowers.   

If you’re not familiar with the Star Wars world, you may not know about 'the force'. It is the energy that gives the Jedi’s their extraordinary abilities. It allows them to levitate objects, fool people, and see things before they happen. It’s pretty far-fetched. 

As an established foster carer, my toolkit of abilities and a finely tuned sixth sense is absolutely essential. Along my journey, I’ve discovered new strengths and skills. Such as my power to recognise and respond to trauma-based behaviours. Therapeutic parenting has become my own Jedi-mind trick. Some of the tools are:

•    Tune in to your sixth sense. Some children simply can’t ask for help, it is either too scary or they just don’t have the vocabulary. They are much more likely to show us! Lock on to their mood, are they withdrawing, self-sabotaging?
•    Work through it together. Problem solving together, will go a long way to show a child you hear them, you understand and you will try to help.
•    Wonder. Being curious shows that you care. Being aware and asking about their shifts and behaviours is an effective tool.   
•    Patience. Sometime all you need is time, availability and to listen.   

I describe fostering as Parenting Plus. It takes courage, time and practice to work with the effects of trauma. In many ways you have to forget what you know about traditional parenting. You need to open yourself up to different techniques and language. I saw this poster on the wall of a children’s play therapist, the text captures the need for therapeutic parenting perfectly: 

“You can’t teach children to feel better by making them feel worse, when children feel better, they behave better’.

This requires skill, training and practice. This is all perfectly achievable through the extensive training package that Wakefield Council offer to their foster carers. 

Remember, fostering is NOT like parenting your birth children. It is challenging at times but also very rewarding. But if you are willing to learn, adapt and embrace a new challenge. Then you have the potential to become a warm, skilled and successful foster carer who will undoubtedly change lives.  And that is why I foster. 

So no matter where you are in your fostering journey, be aware of your own unique superpowers, and remember.....

May the force be with you... Always!

Michelle Kennedy (Foster carer)

All our foster carers get a unique training plan to help them provide the best care.